I like to think it a success when the cops are called
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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