Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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