I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
why is half of my head shaved?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
