Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize