Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
