Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
