I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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