my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
