9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
