she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
