i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize