Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Small penises have feelings too.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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