The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize