I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
