Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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