shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
