ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
