She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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