it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
