All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
