I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
