I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
