It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I am one with the molecules
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
