Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
