My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
