What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize