Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
