God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
