I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
