so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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