well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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