so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
