I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize