Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
