pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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