dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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