why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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