I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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