when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
