I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
