I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
