You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
We are all done wearing pants today
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
