They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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