i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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