Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
