At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
