it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize