Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
