so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It's never too late to be topless.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
