SEEEEXXX PLEASE
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
