i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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