She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
worst night to have a conscience
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
