i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
