They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
