In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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