you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
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