his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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