I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
