Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
