remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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