I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
