I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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