She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
two words...techno handjob
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
