Midget sex pt 2 tonight
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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