She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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